Friday, March 1, 2013

Attraction Factor 1

I know this will sound odd, but for this attraction factor you have to become wonderfully self-interested, but not terribly self-centered. It's like on an airplane when the oxygen masks drop down, and they tell you to "put on your own oxygen mask first, then help your neighbor." By putting on your own oxygen mask, you are protecting your own self-interest, and then you can be overwhelmingly generous in helping your neighbor.

Being terribly self-centered is unattractive. Self-centered people keep taking what you cannot afford to give. Their lives are run by their needs, but they never seem to get their needs met. They tend to take all the oxygen masks for themselves and, because they do not know what they truly need, they never get enough of your time, money, energy, attention, and anything else that anyone will give them.

On the one hand, if you are being self-centered, stop it. It makes you look bad and it does not attract the kind of attention you truly want. On the other hand, if someone in your life is being self-centered and taking all your oxygen, how will you become self-interested enough to start taking back what you need for yourself? If you must make changes, proceed with caution because self-centeredness can be a challenge to overcome.

Being wonderfully self-interested is attractive. You stop being needy because you become aware of what you deeply need, and then go about meeting your needs in positive and attractive ways. You ask for what you need and make it ok when someone says, "No, I can't give that to you." You find or create ways to get what you want, and you respect the oxygen supply of others. You start making changes in the things that you, yourself, can control. You build a reserve of whatever you need so you can take care of yourself and be overwhelmingly generous to others when it really counts.

What would it feel like to have someone—who chooses—to be overwhelmingly generous with you? Teddy Burriss is choosing to be overwhelmingly generous with me. Check out who he is at Teddy has his own oxygen mask on, and he's helping me breathe with my own.

Attraction Factor: Become wonderfully self-interested, and then choose to be overwhelmingly generous when it really counts. Remember to breathe.

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