Thursday, December 29, 2016

Relationship Tip Bonus #1 of 2: Request vs. Expect

Have you noticed how hard it can be to read someone else’s mind—or have someone read yours? Have you ever tried to guess what someone wanted—and guessed wrong? The difficulty comes when we are expected automatically to know what someone else wants. The remedy is to make a request for what you want.

When you request, you ask for what you want in a direct and specific manner. When you just expect something, you don't say anything or perhaps drop some hints and hope you get what you expect.

Very few people are able to second guess or read minds when it comes to giving you what you want, be it in material things or relationships. In getting what you want, sometimes the magic happens and you actually get it without asking. To get what really want, most of us have to ask, and be specific or risk getting the wrong size, wrong color or wrong thing altogether. If you have a relationship with someone who always seems to know what you want, be very thankful and appreciative of this person.

If you prefer to be treated in a certain way, request it. If you want to have something specific, request it. If you want a certain level of respect and attention or you want certain things to start, stop or change: request it. Don't rely on others to somehow "just know." There is something of an art to requesting what you really want, and you have to develop a polite and respectful way to ask.

How will you request what you want in such a way to get it? How will others view you when you request and they don't have to guess? Who will you be when you get what you want?

Request vs. Expect. See the video at:

Thursday, December 22, 2016

Relationship Tip 7 of 7: Balance vs. Juggle (Two Bonus Tips Coming Soon)

Most of us have learned to juggle our lives: we juggle schedules, work, relationships, and so forth. We keep adding to our list of things wonderful, fun, dutiful, deadline things to juggle, but somehow we don't take things off of our lists. We have become so accustomed to this mode of operation that it is easy to mistake successful juggling for being balanced. Successful juggling is another way to say "successfully stressed."

When we are juggling, we exert (a lot of) energy to keep things from crashing. If something drops, then other things tend to come crashing down too. "But," you say, "I have all these things I have to juggle!" —What would it be like if we balanced these things instead? Balance takes less energy. It is a more natural place to be where we fall less, and recover more quickly from the unexpected.

Why not see how you can stop juggling and start balancing? Everyone achieves balance differently. The first place to start might be to change your attitude from one of juggling to one of balancing. What do you have to stop doing to move towards balance? What to start doing? 

See the video at:
Coming soon: 
Request vs. Expect
The Two Ways People Learn to Treat You

Monday, December 12, 2016

Relationship Tip 6 of 7: Forgiveness vs. Apology

Have you ever noticed how one-sided an apology can be? I regularly see apologies that do not require us to forgive the offense. For example: “Our store is closed for inventory today, we apologize for any inconvenience.” For this apology, you have taken your time and resources to go shopping at the store, and their apology does not offer anything to encourage you to come back or to cover your various costs of disappointment.

For anything that goes wrong, it is simple to say, "I apologize for whatever I did." This allows me to dutifully apologize for kicking your dog, but have I received forgiveness from you, or your dog?

When little, my son would apologize by saying, "I'm sorry Daddy, will you ever forgive me?" This would always make me stop and think, and smile and forgive. Asking for forgiveness requires an active response in the mind of the offended party. It requires that we touch and respond to what is truly important in the relationship.

Is it better to apologize, or to ask for forgiveness and know you have received it from family, friends and customers? How would it feel different if someone asked you for forgiveness instead of apologizing?