Thursday, January 2, 2014

The Acknowledgement You Need

“Let me put this bluntly once more for the sake of clarity:
People get, on average, a couple of minutes of positive feedback each year, versus thousands of hours of negative feedback.” —David Rock, Quiet Leadership

The writer shared about losing a new pair of glasses, and how he was so hard on himself for losing them—self-criticism—he calculated that at least 300 times he said to himself, “You’re an idiot.” Then he did some investigating and found that other people do the same thing. Hey, you out there who is reading this, do YOU criticize yourself?

It’s one thing to take note that you need to improve and figure how you can do so. It’s another thing altogether to criticize yourself and not give yourself a chance to win. I teach a class at on acknowledging your positives with truth, respect and constructiveness. I point out that where excellence is expected, it is not acknowledged. This often gets the question, “Why should I tell someone they are dong a great job when they are just doing what they are supposed to do?” It’s because something happens in your brain when someone acknowledges you are doing a good job and they back it up with an example or two. Something happens in your relationships and your performance when you have a sense of respect and support for each other in this way. Something wonderful happens when you can acknowledge the positives that ARE in yourself.
Do you criticize yourself?
Stop that. Instead, look at how you can improve and do something to help your self.

Do you get “down” on yourself for not doing things right? Stop that. Instead, look for the things you do right and well. Focus on your strengths.

Do you allow others to criticize you in ways that are not truthful, respectful and constructive? Stop that. We have to teach people how to treat us. How will you politely teach them to treat you better, and if not, how will you choose to move on in your life?

Do you want or need more positive acknowledgement? Sometimes you have to ask for the kind of critique you want. Some personality “types” of people really need to know they are doing the job right, other types will get angry if they sense you are letting them do the job wrong and don’t say something. Ask for what you want, and also for how you want it, e.g. “I would like to have a performance evaluation, and a supportive discussion to strategize on how to improve what I already do well and also how to improve the things I don’t do well.”

Sometimes the truth we receive from others or ourselves is not the truth. Yes, sometimes I do stupid things, but I know in my knower that I am not a stupid man. Sometimes I make errors, but I am not error-prone. Sometimes I am slow to catch-on, but I am pretty smart. What about you?

Attraction Factor 11: Create a Vacuum to Pull You Forward

Have you noticed that life can get pushy? Most of us do not like to be pushed, and we tend not to like people we see as pushy. There are times when you have to meet a deadline, you have to get that job done, and doggone it, where did all the time go??? Push is generally not attractive.

On the other hand, don’t you like the pull of something good cooking in the kitchen? What about that hobby or new game you’re learning? There are things that pull us delightfully into action. In this sense, pull is very attractive!

What would pull you forward?     
Is it your faith, family, community, work, your self and things you want to do? Is it a passion for something interesting, fun or that can make money? Is it writing down your bucket list or your goals and then “git ‘er done?” What do you feel drawn to be, do or have? (If nothing comes to mind, call me asap.)

How come this, whatever it is, pulls you? Who are you for right now, and who will you become when you fully respond to this pull?

Can you verbalize this pull in a way that creates a vision for your life? There is a difference between doing your job vs helping your company succeed so that everyone can have a job. There is a difference between being a carpenter vs being a home builder. There is a difference between me being a coach vs being a life-builder assisting people to bring out their greatness and wisdom for building their lives. How about you?

How will you support your forward pull? Do you put yourself in situations where you can act on what pulls you? Do you have friends and colleagues who bring out your best? Are there others on the same or similar path? If not, how will you start clarifying and yielding to your pull?

Respond. How will you unhook yourself from who you were so that moving forward will be more true to your self? Stop defining your self by your limitations, redefine your self by your potential! As you discover a new truth about your self, speak this truth to yourself and others that you trust, stop the pushing and respond to your forward pull.